Body parts are massive in the glorious world of swearing. Women’s bits get lots of attention, culminating in the c-word…. Cunt, the undisputed heavyweight champion of English profanity. But also a word that can be used affectionately - especially in Scotland.

If you’re a Cunt dodger, maybe it’s just too much for you or feels horribly sexist (understandably) - here are some handy, milder alternative slang and swear words culminating in a big one.

10
Fanny
The mildest of the mild - can also be used in the phrase to ‘Fanny About’
e.g. “Stop fannying about Kevin and eat your spaghetti hoops”

9
Pussy
A wimp / pussycat.
e.g. “That big dog is a total pussy, he’s terrified of cats”

8
Growler
A slightly theatening edge to this one
e.g. The old TV show ‘Bo’ Selecta!’ did some ‘Lorraine’ sketches - always featuring the phrase “Can you see my growler?”

7
Gash
Such a gentle, loving word
e.g. “Jeez you are an utter gash”

6
Vagina
Some people just are - they’re not nasty enough to be a full-on cunt
e.g. “Virginia is such a vagina”

5
Twat
Very much the female equivalent of Prick
e.g. “Don’t be a twat you prick”

4
Piss Flaps
Used in a similar way to ‘bugger’ or ‘shit’
e.g. Someone drops an egg and says “Oh piss flaps, I’ve dropped another fucking egg”

3
Snatch
Guy Ritchie must like this one - although he may have been going for the other meaning.
e.g. “That shitty little beard of yours looks like my snatch”

2
Cunty McCuntface
A lame boat naming-competition that went viral and spawned a new cunt derivative - who’d a thunk?!
e.g. “What are you staring at Cunty McCuntface?”

1
Thunder Cunt
Apparently the word ‘cunt’ used to be quite factual, it was merely a word for vagina, and not at all rude. Now, as we know, it’s the big one and ‘Thunder Cunt’ takes matters one step further in order to describe people who have achieved a truly legendary level of cuntishness.
e.g. “You mother-fucking, weasel-dicked, thunder cunt, I hope to see you die next Tuesday”