GUIDES TO SWEARING IN ENGLISH
Top 10 Vintage Swear Words We Should Bring Back
The human need to swear has left its mark throughout our history. Before ‘shit’, ‘fuck’ and ‘cunt’ ruled the roost, our ancestors had some other go-tos. Here’s our ranked list of retro profanity worth reviving. Back in ye olden times, some of these insults could end up earning you a possibly once-in-a-lifetime chance to take part in a duel!
Zounds (“God’s wounds”) a mild swear word to express surprise which avoided taking the Lord’s name in vain. e.g. “Zounds! I just murdered an entire village, again”
Gadzooks - similar vibe to above - but short for God's Hooks
e.g. “Gadzooks! Is that my husband’s head on that spike on the city wall”
Foozler - This one’s 19th-century golf slang for someone who hits the ball badly - it spread into general use to describe someone who makes a right hash of everything. e.g. “Don’t let that Foozler repair your trebuchet it’ll never maim again”
Fopdoodle - from the 1600s - a vain idiot - which you kind of get from the word without us telling you. e.g. “That Fopdoodle Lord Cedric was trying to sort out his ruffle using his reflection in the lake and he slipped over and drowned”
Hornswoggler - An American word for someone who hornswoggles, i.e. tricks or deceives. e.g. “Gee, that lady over there just sold me a gallon of snake oil, she promised she’s a proper doctor too, there’s no way she’s one of those Hornswogglers”
Pettifogger - A pedantic twat who argues over details, or a dodgy dealer who can’t be trusted e.g. “I think you’ll find Shakespeare’s first play was actually Henry VI, Part 2 not Henry VII, Part 1” “Zounds, will you shut up Laurent, you bloody Pettifogger”
Lickspittle - A Suck Arse, a false flatterer seeking to gain favour - they’ve been around since time began. e.g. “Every time I condemn a peasant to death, Lord Martlehoop tells me I’m the wisest woman on earth. That horrible little lickspittle just wants an invitation to my next orgy”
Bloody - Obviously came from bleeding or covered in blood. Pretty mild today, but from the 18th century until the 1920s it was the ‘cunt’ of its time (in rudeness not meaning!) e.g. “You just trod on my guinea pig you, you bloody fool.”
Mutton shunter - A policeman, esp one whose job it was to hassle prostitutes e.g. “Oy! mutton shunter! Stop scaring away my customers and no, you’re not getting a freebie”
Cockalorum - A self-important upstart of a man (most swear words describing this sort of arsehole are aimed at the male of the species!). Basically a Dickhead or a Jumped Up Little Prick. e.g. “Just ‘cos you’re a Knight of the Round Table, it doesn’t mean you’re not a lazy, no-good Cockalorum, Lancelot. Pick up your pants from the floor and pull your weight around the castle”
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